Monday, September 23, 2013

Pilot Recap: Brooklyn Nine-Nine S1E1

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Insider News:

Hey, Brooklyn Nine-Nine Fans, want to get some gelato at Beneficio's Market? Well, I don't know if Beneficio's exists, but I can tell you that the interior of that scene was shot at Monte Carlo Deli, which is connected to Pinocchio's Restaurant in Burbank, California. Anyone up for a sweet treat?

[1/15/14 Update: "Pilot" Inside-the-Precinct pics - don't miss it!]

Character Defining Moments:

Detective Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg): Speedos. Oh, you want me to say more? Colorful speedos. Okay, you know Samberg is funny, but as Jake he also had some real honest moments with Sgt. Jeffords in the records room and again with Capt. Holt during the stakeout. And I love how quickly that thoughtful moment turned into a moment of triumph. "Humility over - I'm amazing!"

Civilian Administrator Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti): Describing Detectives Jake and Amy's bet (yup, now I picture Jake in a silk robe - a black silk robe), giving dating advice to Charles, and then letting him know when he bombed (see below - kudos to @abrahamjoseph for creating the gif), everyone can't stop talking about this breakout star.

I made this @ChelseaVPeretti GIF from last night's @Broo... on Twitpic

Sergeant Terry Jeffords (Terry Crews): The department store scene was fantastic! Terry's hysterical screaming (he may have one of the best screams ever!) and annihilation of the dummy was comedy magic. 

Detective Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero): When Amy takes a bite of her hot sauce with a side of sandwich, the actress had me convinced she did it for real. Her reaction was perfect! And did you see her wield that baton? Amy's tough, and I can't wait to see her numbers going up on that arrest bet with Jake.

Detective  Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz): They say she is "really scary," but we've seen her smile, laugh, and have a sweet moment with Charles in the first episode. I think Rosa is just a no-nonsense, don't-waste-my-time-with-a-crappy-Secret-Santa-gift, beat-my-computer-when-it-deserves-it kinda gal. I admire that. Plus I LOVE her hair. I can't wait until she takes down a bad guy.

Detective  Charles Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio): I love how delighted Charles is to earn his tie back from Jake. This was a perfectly nuanced scene clearly showing how he seeks Jake's (anyone's?) approval. And in the future, I hope we get a lot more fun scenes with Charles and Rosa as well as Charles and Gina.

Mlepnos (Fred Armisen): Melissa Fumero says he was spelling his name for a minute. With that moment and simply taking the picture and closing the door, what's not to love about this cameo? I hope they find more excuses to bring him back.

Captain Ray Holt (Andre Braugher): I love that he calls Jake Peralta out and gets the whole squad into the file room to see Jake in his speedos. And his speech about being an openly gay police officer dreaming of one day becoming a captain? Bravo to the writers and Andre Braugher!

Arrests Scoreboard:

Peralta: 25     |     Santiago: 22

Memorable Moments:

Jake: This job is eating me alive. I can't breathe anymore. Spent all these years trying to be the good guy - man in the white hat. I'm not becoming like them; I am them.
Amy: Hey, what are you doing, weirdo?
Jake: I'm doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. Actually, *looks at wall of TVs behind him* ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. Wassup?
Amy: Get it together, man. Okay?

Amy: ... I'd also like to apologize for my partner - his parents didn't give him enough attention.
Jake: Uhhh, detective? I already solved the case. Looking for three white males - one of whom has sleeve tats on both arms.
Amy: And how would you know that?
Jake: I had an informant on the inside. He's been here for years - watching, learning, waiting. His code name? Fuzzy Cuddle Bear. He's a nanny cam!
Amy: Uhhh, you got lucky.
Jake: No, I got here five minutes before you and figured that in this giant electronics store there had to be at least one working camera. Oh, hi, bad guys! You did it, Fuzzy! You busted them. It's time to come home.
Fuzzy Bear (via JAKE): I'm not sure if I can. I've been undercover so long; I've forgotten who I am. I've seen terrible things. I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons.
Amy: Alright...
Fuzzy Bear: Detective Santiago! Don't walk away from me!!!

Jake: Yes, I did crack the case, so...Santiago, will you do the honors?
Amy: I hate this. I hate this.
Jake: And you're just going to want to add one. *She increases his arrest score to 24 vs. her 22* I'm winning. It's a good feeling; it's a good feeling. Yeah. *applause*
Amy: Enjoy it while it lasts.
Jake: I will. 

Jake: Yeah. Good news for all you murder fans. Earlier this morning, someone decided to shoot and kill luxury food importer Henry Morgenthau. Body was found by the cleaning lady. During her interview, I deduced using expert detective work that she had something super gross on her chin.
Charles: I think it was flan.
Jake: Charles thinks it was flan; I think it was butterscotch pudding.
Rosa: Maybe it was just old person gunk? You know how old people always have that gunk on them?
Jake: Oldie gunk, yeah, could be. Anyone else?
Sgt. Jeffords: How about we focus on the murder and not the old person gunk? 

Charles: Hey, Gina. You know any scalpers? I wanna ask Rosa to the Rihanna concert, but it's all sold out.
Gina: Okay, two points to make here. First, Rihanna, you, *small motion with pencil* and then *big motion with hands* Rihanna.
Charles: Yeah, what's your second point?
Gina: She's got a type, which is really anyone but you.
Charles: Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type too.
Gina: Look, a Rihanna concert's a pretty big swing, man. I don't know. She's into watching old movies.
Charles: Cool. Where would I find a place that shows old movies? 
Gina: Oh, yeah, just go on the internet and search for the phrase "I want to buy two movie tickets for a girl who doesn't like me."
Charles: Great! Thank you!

Jake: On your marks, get set...
Capt. McGintley: What the hell is going on around here?
Jake: Fire extinguisher roller chair derby.
Capt. McGintley: Okay.

Fire Extinguisher Roller Chair Derby!!!

Jake: Sorry, dude, but this new guy is going to be another washed up pencil pusher who is only concerned with *robot voice* following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep, morp, zeep, Robot Captain engage.
Capt. Holt: Is that what you think?
Jake: Hey-hey! New captain alert! Huh-hah. You must be the new C.O. I'm Detective Jake Peralta. Great to meet you.
Capt. Holt: No, don't let me interrupt. You were describing what kind of person I'm going to be. I'd like you to finish.
Jake: Huh, it's not necessary... Or I could recap - very quickly. Sure. Um, I think I said some joke about being a washed up pencil pusher...
Capt. Holt: Now do the robot voice. The robot voice you were doing when you implied I'm a rule following robot. I wanna hear it again.
Jake: Meep, morp, zarp, ro-bot...
Capt. Holt: That's a terrible robot voice.
Jake: Yup.
Capt. Holt: The next time I see you, I'd like you to be wearing a necktie.

Capt. Holt: ...Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Capt. Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short and sweet.

Amy: I love that guy.
Jake: Same!
Gina: He's so suave. Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe? No? 'Kay.

Capt. Holt: Sergeant, you were in the one-eighty with me. Though you were significantly...
Sgt. Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had...large...
Capt. Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate. What's this I hear about you being on administrative leave?
Sgt. Jeffords: A year ago, my wife and I had twin baby girls - Cagney and Lacey.
Capt. Holt: They have adorable, chubby cheeks.
Sgt. Jeffords: Ever since, I kinda got scared of getting hurt. Lost my edge. There was an incident in a department store. 

Gifs by teflonly

Jake: *after Sgt. Jeffords annihilates a department store dummy* I think he's dead.

Capt. Holt: Tell me about your detective squad.
Sgt. Jeffords: Ummm...well, Scully, Hitchcock and Daniels? They're pretty worthless, but they make good coffee.
Capt. Holt: Copy that.

Sgt. Jeffords: Now the good ones. Rosa Diaz - tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.

Rosa: Tell me who has me for Secret Santa.
Hitchcock: No, that takes all the fun out of it... Scully - he got you a scarf; I'll make him return it.
Rosa: Yes, you will.

Sgt. Jeffords: Charles Boyle, he's a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He's not physically...gifted.

Charles: Oh, man, my muffin. Ahhh! Ahhh, my head! Muffin, my head, and I stepped on my, on my muffin. And my head and my muffin!

Gifs by padafam

Sgt. Jeffords: Amy Santiago. She's got seven brothers, so she's always trying to prove she's tough.

Scully: Careful, that's stuffs pretty hot.
Amy: Oh, is it? Hmmm?

Gifs by godyoutalkpretty

Sgt. Jeffords: She and Peralta have some big bet over who gets more arrests this year. Ever since the bet - their numbers have gone way up.
Capt. Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sgt. Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective.  He likes putting away bad guys, and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't how to grow up.
Capt. Holt: That was very well put.
Sgt. Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally mandated therapy sessions.

Jake: Okay, so the perp came in through the window, left the muddy red footprint, and apparently had sex with the dish rack.
Amy: Shell cases found here. Two shots - bang, bang.
Jake: Great work, detective. You get a tie.
Charles: That's mine. You took it from my desk.
Jake: That's right, Charles. Good solve. Tie for you.
Charles: Thanks!
Jake: Now everyone be sure to put those on, because it's impossible to solve crimes unless you wearing a tie.
Amy: Lay off the captain. That man is going to be my rabbi.
Jake: First of all, when you use the term rabbi, you know that turns me on and that's unfair in the work environment. Secondly, your rabbi is a pain in my ass.
Charles: Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?
Rosa: Seems cool.
Charles: Yeah, he seems cool. I agree.
Rosa: Looks like the perp stole a computer, a watch and a jamón ibérico ham valued at - What!? - $6,000.
Jake: Six thousand dollars for a ham?
Charles: Jamón ibérico is an amazing cured ham from Spain. They had it at my uncle's funeral; I gorged myself at that funeral. I mean, I was constipated for three days.
Jake: Wow, that's a great story, Charles. Thank you. *Charles chuckles* Alright, listen up, Everybody. Better contact Captain Holt - let him know that we have a ten-tie situation.

Capt. Holt: Speaking of ties, where's yours, meep-morp?
Jake: This is fantastic. Captain...hey! Welcome to the murder. What are you doing here?

Gif by aboyandhispack

Jake: Huh, that went well.
Capt. Holt: No, it didn't.
Jake: He's got, like, super hearing.

Charles: Hey, Rosa! Rosa! Rosa. Ummm...I, I just happened to notice that there is an old movie festival playing at the Film Forum this week. Wanna go?
Rosa: Sure.
Charles: Cool! Awesome. There's a bunch of movie options. I'll probably just go with something classic like Citizen Kane.
Rosa: Citizen Kane is terrible. Pick a good movie.
Charles: Good call. Smart. I'll do it. I'll pick a better movie than Citizen Kane.

Capt. Holt: So, Gina, civilian administrators like yourself often have their ear to the ground. What do Santiago and Peralta have riding on this bet of theirs?
Gina: I will tell you on six conditions. Number one: you let me use your office to practice my dance moves. Second...
Capt. Holt: How 'bout this. If you tell me, I won't have you suspended without pay.
Gina: Oh, that sounds great. Okay, the deal is if Amy gets more arrests, Jake has to give her his car. It's an old mustang; it's pretty sweet. If he gets more arrests, she has to go on a date with him. He guarantees it will end in sex. I bet on at least some over the clothes action. At the very least some touching...
Capt. Holt: Okay, that's enough, Gina.
Gina: Caresses. I could see him showing up in a silk robe.
Capt. Holt: That's enough, Gina.
Gina: Alright.
Capt. Holt: Thank you.

Jake: Let the wasting of time begin!
Amy: Hello, sir. May I ask you a few questions?
Bunder: Definitely. Yeah. I'm actually, I'm super glad you guys are here right now. Are you smelling that weed smell?
Amy and Jake: Yeah.
Bunder: Cause a dude broke in, smoked weed and bolted. Huh. That's...
Jake: Do you think it's the same dude that left that bong there on the floor?
Bunder: Yes.

Gifs by godyoutalkpretty

Amy: Hello.
Mlepnos: Hello.
Amy: What's your name?
Mlepnos: My name?
Amy: Mh-hmm.
Mlepnos: Mlepnos.
Amy: Can you spell that please?
Mlepnos: M-L-E-P-Klé...
Amy: Did you say Klé?
Mlepnos: Yes, the Klé is silent.
Amy: Alright. Got it. Have you seen this man before? He was shot last night. *hands him picture*
Mlepnos: Ah, thank you.
Amy: No, sir, that's ours. We need that. We...
Jake: And he kept it.

Amy: Wall Street Journal on the doormat, top floor apartment, twenty bucks says this guy's like a hot, eligible bachelor.

Jake: I'll take that action. Police, open up.
Old Man: Hello.

Gifs by godyoutalkpretty

Jake: Oh-ha-ha-ho. Hello! Sir! How are you today? I'm Detective Right-All-the-Time, and this is my partner Detective Terrible-Detective.

Jake: None of the neighbors heard or saw anything. And what's worse - Santiago struck out with a 92-year-old.
Amy: That is not accurate, sir.
Jake: Wait!? You hooked up with him? Yelch!
Capt. Holt: Alright, hit the pawnshops and canvass the neighborhood. And while you're out, you can buy yourself a tie.
Jake: Oh. Actually, sir, I'm wearing a tie right now. Check it out. *pulls up shirt* Secret tie!
Capt. Holt: First of all, I think you're kinda overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously? Does anyone here know why it is so important to me that you all dress appropriately? Hmm, four highly trained detectives and not one of you can solve this simple mystery. 'Kay, I wanna be briefed on any new developments. Any questions?
Jake: I was going to ask you if you thought I was doing too much manscaping, but we solved that one, so I'm good.
Capt. Holt: Mmm-hmm.

Jake: ...Do you recognize this guy - Henry Morgenthau?
Ratko: No.
Jake: Maybe, actually, look at the picture...?

Jake: ...Ahhh. Maybe some role-play will jog your memory?
Charles: Great idea.
Jake: Okay, yeah.
Charles: Okay, so I'm, I'm Ratko.
Jake: No, no, I'm Ratko.
Charles: Com'on. I'm always the victim.
Jake: Look, I'm not doing this with you right here.
Charles: Okay, fine, fine. Oh, I'm Henry Morgenthau, owner of delicious and expensive hams. Don't I know you from the grocery stores?
Jake: Kill. And scene. *Ratko runs for it* NYPD, Everyone get down!... Ma'am could you just get down? Or just ignore me and continue shopping?

Gifs by jakeparalta

*Ratko is throwing food at Jake and Charles*
Jake: Ratko, I'm getting mad.
Charles: It's a waste of Manchego!

Jake: *to woman continuing to shop during the fight* How are you still here?

Jake: So, no, I did not brief you. And yes, he did get away. But some bonus good news, I got you hazelnut. And a little spoon there for you.

Gif by daily99

Jake: Is he seriously assigning me to the records room? Why do we even have a records room? Computers have been invented, right? I didn't dream it?
Sgt. Jeffords: You're lucky, man! I wish I could get assigned here full-time. You could not be farther from the action.
Jake: Sergeant, you know me. I have more arrests than anyone. Will you please tell the captain how dumb it is to lock his best detective in a file cabinet?
Amy: Second best.
Sgt. Jeffords: You're wrong about Holt. That man has begotten more about being a cop than you will ever know. In 1981, he caught the Disco Strangler.

Capt. Holt: It's over Disco Man! Put down the yo-yo and back away from the girl.

Full gif set on Brooklyn99Insider's Tumblr

Amy: It can be hard to win our bet when you're on the bench, Peralta. Although I did start a new category. Murderers we let go. And look at that! You're winning! Have fun with your files.
Jake: You know I will have fun with my files. Have fun with your face. *tries to slam cage door* Slam! That was a slam!

Rosa: So, what movie did you get us tickets to?
Charles: Oh, well. Just to be safe? I bought tickets to all of them.
Rosa: Just to be safe? What does that mean?
Charles: I don't know. Uhhh, I didn't want to mess up, because you're sort of...opinionated.
Rosa: You think I'm opinionated? Okay, here's an opinion for you. You're a bad judge of character and your shirt looks like vomit.
Charles: So we can go see North by Northwest.
Rosa: We're not seeing a movie together.
Charles: Good call. Smart. Keep it profesh.

I made this @ChelseaVPeretti GIF from last night's @Broo... on Twitpic
Gif by @abrahamjoseph

Jake: I was digging through these files, one of which I literally found in a spider web...

Capt. Holt: That's fine work, detective.
Jake: Thank you very much, sir. A testament to what can be achieved when you dress appropriately. Let's pound it out. *stands up in his colorful speedo*
Capt. Holt: You know what, such fine police work, let's share it with the whole team. Santiago, Boyle, Diaz, get in here. Bring everyone! And a camera!
Jake: That's not necessary. Oh, they're here!
Capt. Holt: Let's have a hand for the work of a fine master detective, Jake Peralta. Yeah, let's have a hand, everyone. Give him a hand. *team cheers*

Jake: ...And you know what my favorite thing about stakeouts is? The patrol guide says no dress code. So I'm just the zip up hoody and my two best friends.
Capt. Holt: Does he always talk this much?
Amy: I just tune him out. It's like a white noise machine.
Jake: 'Kay. First of all, that's racist... Secondly, captain, Terry told me you caught the Disco Strangler. That's incredible. I've read that case. With all due respect, sir, why did it take you so long to get your first command?
Capt. Holt: Because I'm gay.
Jake: Huh-huh. Oh. Seriously?
Capt. Holt: I'm surprised you didn't know; I don't try to hide it. *cut sequence with a news article "Openly Gay Captain Appointed"; Gina asking "Did anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe?" and the captain saying "manscaping"*
Jake: Damn, I am not a good detective.

Rosa: Here. I feel bad that you spent all that money on movie tickets.
Charles: Why don't you just go to the movie with me?
Rosa: Nope.
Charles: Okay, well this is awkward.
Rosa: It's not awkward. I like your company. You're sweet.

Amy: When did you come out?
Capt. Holt: 'Bout 25 years ago. The NYPD was not ready for an openly gay detective. But then the old guard died out. Suddenly they couldn't wait to show off that they had a highly ranking gay officer. I made captain. But they put me in the public affairs unit. I was a good soldier; I helped recruitment. But all I ever wanted was my own command. And now I finally got it, and I'm not going to screw it up.
Jake: Captain, I'm sorry. I, I feel like a jackass. *sigh* But on the flip-side, there's Ratko. Humility over - I'm amazing!

Jake: Fantastic - three thousand identical blue doors.
Capt. Holt: Looks like we all got door duty.
Jake: Oh, yeah. From before. Good one. *to Amy* You look great.

Amy: Unbelievable. Un-believable.

Gifs by hearry

Jake: Ratko, great to see you.
Ratko: You can't stop me. I'm going.
Jake: Actually, you're not going anywhere. Cause if you take a look to your left, you'll see Detectives Boyle and Diaz, right there is Detective Santiago, and behind you is Captain Holt. The point is, my team has you surrounded. Oh my God! I just got the tie thing! Captain, I just figured it out.
Capt. Holt: Maybe now's not the best time, detective.
Jake: It's a uniform! We're a team and the tie is a part of that team's uniform, right?
Ratko: You ask, Ratko, what team?
Jake: No, Ratko, shut up. It's important to you, because you were kept off the team for so long, and now you're the coach, and you want us to all wear that same uniform. Boom! Nailed it!
Capt. Holt: Yes, you did. Now just arrest Ratko.

Jake: That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.
Capt. Holt: What's wrong with you?
Jake: Never took off the speedo. Big mistake. It is inside me. Great work, team!

-Brooklyn Nine-Nine Insider

P.S. Best new show this season! Make sure everyone is in on the fun with these links!

Episode Breakdown

Original Air Date: Sept. 17, 2013 8:30/7:30C on FOX

Writers: Dan Goor & Mike Schur            Directors: Phil Lord & Chris Miller

Summary: Detective Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg) is a talented, but carefree police detective at Brooklyn's 99th precinct who, along with his eclectic group of colleagues, are used to having a lax captain around the office. However, when tightly-wound Captain Ray Holt (Andre Braugher) takes over, he is determined to make this dysfunctional group of detectives into the best precinct in Brooklyn. (FOX)

Guest Star: Fred Armisen (Portlandia; Saturday Night Live)

Where to Watch (as of Jan. 6, 2014):

Subscription:     Hulu Plus

Own for $1.99/$2.99 HD:     Amazon   |   iTunes

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