Monday, October 7, 2013

The Slump Recap: Brooklyn Nine-Nine S1E3

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Insider News:

Breathless: Our BK99er filmophiles have pointed out that Sgt. Terry Jeffords' credits François Truffaut for the 1960 French film Breathless instead of Jean-Luc Godard, the director of the film. This may have been a mistake, or the show may have purposely acknowledged Truffaut, who is credited with writing the story (per IMDB).

Ethel Beavers: Eagle-eyed BK99ers quickly pointed out our first semi-crossover with Parks and Recreation via actress Helen Slayton-Hughes. This is to be expected since our Brooklyn Nine-Nine creators, Dan Goor and Michael Schur, were also writers and producers for Parks and Rec. And Schur, who also co-created Parks and Rec., is currently working on both shows! This is also one of the reasons why Brooklyn Nine-Nine is filmed in Los Angeles.

On Parks & Rec., Slayton-Hughes plays Ethel Beavers, a court reporter. In Brooklyn Nine-Nine, she is Ethel Musterberg who was mistakenly identified for a missing grandmother.

Melissa Fumero: Melissa Fumero's favorite cop movie in real life is Turner and Hooch, and she's got the dog to prove it.

[1/27/14 Update: And for more great photos - check out "The Slump" Inside-the-Precinct pics.]

Arrests Scoreboard:

Peralta: 36     |     Santiago: 44

Memorable Quotes:

Santiago: For the last time, the best cop movies in order: Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo. End of discussion.
Peralta: Wrong. Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. One cop heroically saving the day while everyone else stands around and watches. It's the story of my life.
Boyle: I like Turner and Hooch - Tom Hanks, reluctant friendship with a dog - that hits me where I live.
Diaz: No. Robocop. It's got everything I like - gratuitous violence.
Peralta: Oh, I thought you were listing things.
Diaz: I was. I'm done.
Peralta: Good.
Gina: Let's talk Bad Boys; that's the perfect cop movie. Mr. Smith looking fine, a hot cup of Téa Leoni, come on.
Sgt. Jeffords: François Truffaut's Breathless. What? Terry likes foreign films. [See note above regarding this reference.]
Peralta: Okay. There is a correct answer to this question though. So gather 'round for the greatest cop film of all time. Please refrain from texting during our presentation. Okay, so there's Hitchcock and there's an old hooker.
Hitchcock: Oh, come on, guys. That happened four years ago.
Peralta: Shhh, it's the best part. She comes back, takes the wallet, and here she goes
Crowd: Oooooooohhhh!

Peralta: Hey, love the sweater. Who you slaying tonight, lady killer?
Boyle: Well, we shall see what we shall see.
Peralta: No, you're dressed exactly like "The Lady Killer."
Boyle: Damn it. This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again.
Sgt. Jeffords: All right, let's get started. Scully. Where are you on digitizing the old case files?
Scully: As of yesterday, I'm officially 1% done!
Sgt. Jeffords: Why are you smiling? That's nothin'.
Scully: Well, there's thousands of cases and for each one I have to fill out 200 little box thingies on fifty different screens.
Diaz: At least you get to sit on your butt all day.
Scully: That's actually the worst part. My doctor says I have an anal cannon [sp?].
Peralta: Scully, why are you always telling us about your disgusting body?

Peralta: I don't see anything.
Scully: That's because it's all wart.
Peralta: Aghhhhhh!

Peralta: How are you married?
Capt. Holt: Peralta, where are we on the Adam's Street burglary?
Peralta: We are very close, Captain. Aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects or leads. So in conclusion, not at all close.
Capt. Holt: And the Baker Street aggravated assault?
Peralta: Stalled out and the Callaway robbery also remains unsolved due to a lack of solving it by me.
Gina: Sounds like someone's in a little bit of a slump.
Peralta: I'm not in a slump.
Santiago: You're not? Scoreboard.
Peralta: I don't slump, people. I opposite slump - I pmuls. That's slump backwards, and that's what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.
Santiago: Slump.
Peralta: Pmuls.

Peralta: Wait. Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. Someone died. No, you won a prize! I'm not getting better at this.
Capt. Holt: I'm concerned that the open cases mound of garbage on your desk has become so much higher than the closed cases mound of garbage.
Peralta: Alright, sir, let me hit you with a little analogy. Are you familiar with race cars?
Capt. Holt: Formula 1 or stock?
Peralta: That's already way more than I know about it. The point is, I'm a super awesome race car who just hit a couple unlucky speed bumps.
Capt. Holt: There are speed bumps on the race track?
Peralta: Is that not part of car racing? It shouldn't be. All I'm saying is, it's open road again. I'm about to close a case...

Capt. Holt: What did I say about doing voices?
Peralta: I'm a storyteller, sir. It's my craft.

Capt. Holt: Yes, the D.A. wanted me to personally thank you for your work on the Jay Street drug bust.
Santiago: That's why we do this, sir.
Capt. Holt: For praise?
Santiago: Uhhh...

Santiago: Absolutely, sir. I won't just head it up; I will head and shoulders it up. I will dive in and swim around it and just be all together good, good with it.
Capt. Holt: Just be more articulate when you speak to the children.
Santiago: Yes, sir. I will make better mouth.

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Boyle: Hey, Sarge? I need someone for a line-up. Will you be Scary Terry?
Sgt. Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.

Sgt. Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm going to miss the farmers market!

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Sgt. Jeffords: Hitchcock. Boyle needs you to fill out a line-up.
Hitchcock: Oh, great. I'll take my shirt off.
Boyle: No one asked you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off.
Hitchcock: I can't hear you. My shirt's over my ears.

Santiago: You know how every year the precinct does that junior police program seminar?
Diaz: That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids to become student snitches?
Santiago: No, the thing where we try to get at-risk kids...
Diaz: Losers.
Santiago: To sign up to become junior police officers.
Diaz: Snitches. What about it?

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Gina: M'kay, no hard feelings. But I hate you. Not joking. Bye!

Ethel: Oh! It's my husband, Solomon!
Boyle: I'm, I'm not really her husband.
Ethel: You're so much shorter than you used to be. What did the Japanese do to you?
Peralta: Different generation.
Boyle: Okay, this is Ethel Musterberg from the Prospect Heights Seniors Center. There was an ID card in her back pocket.
Sgt. Jeffords: Why was your hand in her back pocket?
Peralta: Well, she told me she didn't have any ID, and unlike Boyle, my first instinct was not to caress her butt.
Boyle: Frisked. I frisked her butt!

Peralta: Oh, cool. You're all here in the break room.
Diaz: You asked us to come in here.
Peralta: What?!? Here's a hypothetical question. Let's say I knew someone that, for the first time in their career, was experiencing, like, a minor slump. What do you think you would suggest to that person if they were going through that?
Boyle: Well, I haven't really been in a slump since my divorce, so I'd tell this person "maybe get divorced?" He'd have to get married first.
Peralta: Okay, so the suggestion to beat is get married and then divorced. Rosa?
Diaz: Fly to Montreal, hit a classy hotel bar, bone a stranger, slump over.
Peralta: Wow, that sounds amazing. That's a good one. Sarge, what would you do?
Sgt. Jeffords: Ten thousand sit-ups.
Peralta: Okay, do you have a back-up plan in case my hypothetical person can only do 9,500 or three?
Capt. Holt: What's going on here?
Boyle: We're helping Jake's friend get out of his slump.
Capt. Holt: Or try working a case until it's solved, Peralta. I always find that closing cases is the best way to end a slump.
Peralta: Thank you, Captain!
Sgt. Jeffords: He's right. You just need a win. Pick your easiest, no-brainer case and work it 'til it's done.
Peralta: Fine. Right after I do Rosa's Montreal sex thing - that sounds fun.
Diaz: Yeah...

Santiago: Let me show you what can happen if you continue down this path. Hey, yo, I'm an at-risk kid, and I think it's cool to sell drugs.

Steven: Hold up. Why does the kid selling drugs sound like he's black?
Santiago: He's not.
Gina: Well, why not? Are you saying that black people can't sell drugs?

Santiago: No, I'm not saying that.
Steven: We have a black President. Why can't black people sell drugs?

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Santiago: I'm so confused.
Gina and kids: *chant* Black people can sell drugs. Black people can sell drugs.

Sgt. Jeffords: Don't make me hit you again. Ummm...I'm building this dollhouse for my girls. It's their birthday tomorrow. I told my wife I'd get it done.
Boyle: I had the exact same one when I was a kid!

Boyle's Sister: Mom, Charles is hogging my dollhouse!
Little Boyle: Grandma bought it for the both of us!

Sgt. Jeffords: No, I can do this. It's just driving me a little crazy. Where do I affix the princess tower, Boyle? Where do I affix it?
Boyle: On the side of the turret...
Sgt. Jeffords: Not now, Boyle. Let a brother breathe. Let a brother breathe.

Peralta: I have a murder here with no lead and no evidence. It's unsolvable. And thus, shall have no paperwork.
Scully: You had me at no paperwork.
Peralta: That was the very end of the sentence.

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Boyle: Hey, slump? You're about to get nailed by the Jake Hammer.

Peralta: ...Am I getting ahead of myself?
Boyle: No, you are not, Jake Rabbit.
Peralta: Oh, I like Jake Hammer better.

Diaz: These kids don't wanna listen to you. You're and articulate.
Santiago: So are you! Why am I offended by that?

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Diaz: What's happening?
Santiago: I think they're laughing at you.
Diaz: That's never happened before. I don't like it.

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Peralta: What, you think I don't know this M.O.? These are mules. They're drug mules. They're bird mule drugs, drug, bird, mules.

Boyle: Oh, a bird pooped on your shoulder. No, wait! It pooped on your head and then dripped on your shoulder.

Hitchcock: Fore, coming in!
Peralta: Oh, come on.
Hitchcock: I was at the crime scene. This guy comes up outta nowhere. Confesses. Well, he says he’s gotta make things right so he helps me track down his accomplices.
Peralta: That is so great man. Looks like everything’s coming up Hitchcock.

Gina: Hey, Jake? Ya busy?
Peralta: Yes, I very clearly am busy.

Gina: I don’t think it’s the slump. You are straight up cursed.

Capt. Holt: You’re dripping on my carpet.
Peralta: Oh, don’t worry, sir. It’s just urinal water. Clean urinal water.
Boyle: You could eat off his shirt.
Capt. Holt: Why would I ever eat off his shirt?

Capt. Holt: No, no one would go out on calls with him. He responded to a riot in a gym without backup and got beaten up by a girls volleyball team. It was actually quite violent.
Boyle: Man! Girls are so scary!

Capt. Holt: No, I don't think that's what best for you or the squad. Not until this blows over.
Peralta: And how long will that be?
Capt. Holt: Could be a week. Could be a month.
Boyle: Could be a year. Could be a decade. Sorry, we’re just saying bigger and bigger numbers.

Gina: Hitchcock, stop bringing your food in little Tupperware containers; it hurts my fingers when I'm trying to open it.
Hitchcock: Sorry!

Santiago: Hey, Gina! That's a super cute...
Gina: What do you want?
Santiago: ...sweater.

Diaz: In this case not being a cop might actually be better.
Gina: That’s true in all cases. Cops are the worst.

Hitchcock: No, don't touch it. You're contagious. Everything could fall apart.
Capt. Holt: Peralta, leave Hitchcock alone! Come here. I got in touch with Smitty. He says that you should rub this rabbit's foot with your left forefinger and your pinky like this for good luck. Okay? Now you try it.
Peralta: Okay. Yup, it's definitely helping. I can feel it. The curse is lifting off of me. Ahhh, hand cramp.
Capt. Holt: Rub, rub, rub.

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Sgt. Jeffords: The fairy princess castle has defeated me. I'm a grown man, with man hands and a man brain. I should be able to put together a dollhouse in less than four hours. Why does it have to be so hard? Look. This screw has three pointy sides and nowhere to screw it in. And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels? Arghhh!

Brooklyn99Insider 5/1/14 Update: I think everyone was also wondering what kind of castle has wheels? Well, that was part of the joke, but the featured castle is the Disney Princess Castle.

Boyle: So what you're saying is that this is kind of a...
Peralta: No, for the last time, Charles, we don't need a club house!

Gina: Children, you're problem is not that you're troubled, or at-risk, or bad dressers. Is that a trucker hat? Still? Come on. Your problem is that you don't have passion for anything. My life turned around when I found my passion. And today, well, I hope to inspire you with it.

Gina dancing to "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera.

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Kari: I think I speak for everyone when I say your weird dancing was just weird.
Gina: Fine. Cops make $52,000 a year, you never have to stop at a red light, and you get to carry a gun. Who wants in? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yes.
Santiago: Oh my God! You got eight kids to sign up. How did you know that would work?
Gina: That's what made me sign up when I was a kid.
Santiago: You did this program?
Gina: Mmm-hmmm, yeah. It does not work.

Peralta: Now you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom. It’s because you’re full of crap.
Boyle: Blamo. Jake Hammer strikes again.
Peralta: Jake Hammer strikes again.

Santiago: But, as important as your praise is to me, it should actually go to Gina. She’s the one who got through to the kids.
Gina: Yes, I am amazing. And I only ask for one thing in repayment - a 600% raise.
Capt. Holt: Or I could give you a 0% raise and make you my personal assistant, which is what I’m doing. I think you have hidden talents, which will make you surprisingly good at the job.
Gina: No! I have no talents.
Capt. Holt: You start Monday.
Gina: Uhhh, constantly getting Holt's approval is the worst.
Santiago: Yes, I can only imagine.

Peralta: Permission to take a selfie of the two of us, sir.
Capt. Holt: Permission denied.
Peralta: Too late. Oh, that was a good one.
Capt. Holt: So, the rabbit's foot worked, huh?
Peralta: Ahhh, maybe. All I know is that my mind was so numb from doing all that boring data entry that my brain kinda rebooted, and I had an inspiration about one of my old cases. And I now see that that was your plan all along. And that you're capable of smiling.
Capt. Holt: All talented detectives have their ups and downs, Peralta.
Peralta: So you think I’m talented? You said it. No take backs.
Capt. Holt: You know why Boyle doesn't slump?
Peralta: Because his whole life is a slump?
Capt. Holt: Because he doesn't let adversity get him down. He keeps grinding. If I had given you those news cases, the second you would have snagged, you would have spiraled again. You need to stay out of your own head.
Peralta: Okay, but sir, I don't get it. If that was your plan, why bother with Smitty and the rabbit's food?
Capt. Holt: Well, there's a very good reason for that. I was, uhhh, I believe the term is, uhhh - messin' wit' you.
Peralta: Oh, I see what's going on here. We're becoming homies. Office Christmas card candidate, right here. Me and Holt are homies!

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Sgt. Jeffords: What? What happened to all the princess flourishes?
Boyle: Well, they were destroyed, so I turned it into a princess police station. You know, some jobs take brains. Some jobs take muscles. Some jobs take dainty little fingers. Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman’s wedding ring?
Sgt. Jeffords: Thank you, Boyle. I appreciate it.
Boyle: You're a good dad. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Don't miss a moment of "The Slump." Check out the Inside-the-Precinct pics!

-Brooklyn Nine-Nine Insider

P.S. Pmuls all over this sharing thing and click the links!

Episode Breakdown:

Original Air Date: Oct. 1, 2013 8:30/7:30C on FOX

Writer:  Prentice Penny                        Director:  Julie Anne Robinson

Summary: Detective Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg) has a slew of unsolved cases that he can’t seem to close, and the other detectives don’t want his losing streak to rub off on them. Meanwhile, Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) asks Det. Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero) to run lead on the Junior Policeman Program for at-risk youth, and she enlists Det. Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) and Gina’s (Chelsea Peretti) help. Also, Det. Charles Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) helps Sergeant Jeffords (Terry Crews) with a special case he cannot solve.

Guest Star: Pete Davidson (Nick Cannon Presents: Wild 'N Out) as Steven; Dirk Blocker as Det. Hitchcock; Joel McKinnon Miller as Det. Scully

Where to Watch (as of Jan. 9):

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Own for $1.99/$2.99 HDAmazon   |   iTunes

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