Wednesday, January 29, 2014

48 Hours Recap: Brooklyn Nine-Nine S1E7

Cr: Eddy Chen/FOX

Arrests Scoreboard:

Peralta: 68     |     Santiago: 67

Memorable Moments:

You have two days to enjoy the best quotes, photos, gifs & Brooklyn99Insider news from Brooklyn Nine-Nine's episode "48 Hours." Okay, maybe a bit longer than that...

Peralta: Hey, cap'n, got a second?
Capt. Holt: It's "captain."
Peralta: What did I say?
Capt. Holt: "Cap'n," like Cap'n Crunch.
Peralta: Alright, but to be fair, Cap'n Crunch was a war hero and the primary male role model in my house, growing up, so... Anyways, cap-tain, you know that jewelry store robbery down by Grand Army Plaza? I know who did it - Dustin Whitman. I put him in Rikers two years ago. He just got out, and the crime scene matches his m.o. perfectly.

Officer: Well, security cam shows a male suspect, 5'9"--
Peralta: Wearing a black ski mask. He bypassed the McConnell alarm by using the magnetic kill switch. And he only stole diamonds, nothing over two carats.
Officer: Yeah, exactly. How'd you know?
Peralta: I’m a detective. It's what I do. I’m just kidding. I need a lot more information. But that would've been a great exit line, right?

Capt. Holt: You already arrested him? With insufficient evidence? By law, we have 48 hours to find that evidence, or we have to let him go. You just started the clock.

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Diaz: Hey, is this why you were getting makeup tips from the prostitute in the holding cell?
Santiago: I just wanted to know how she got such smokey eyes. Turns out it was an STD rash.

Gif by beeishappy

Santiago: What evidence did you have when you arrested this guy?
Peralta: Some pretty ironclad stuff. [cut scene] Dustin, it's been a while. Mind if I ask you a few questions?
Dustin: Well, well, well, if it isn't Joke Peralta.
Peralta: That's it; you're under arrest.

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Capt. Holt: I know everyone's mad at Peralta for ruining their weekend.
Peralta: But?
Capt. Holt: That was it. I was just demonstrating for Detective Peralta what a fact is.

Terry: I’m not tired. Why would you think I was tired?

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Terry: I ended up doing 25 minutes of sleep chin-ups on muscle memory alone. Tired Terry still gets after it, that's all I’m saying.

Diaz: Hey, Gina, can you order food for us at the Flatbush Diner? They make the best pies in New York City.
Gina: Oopsie, you said something super dumb. The best pie in the city's at Crust.
Diaz: Wrong. Ignorant and wrong.
Gina: Uh, you think you can just bully people, but you can't. It's not okay. I’m the bully around here. Ask anyone.
Diaz: Boyle, you're always blogging on that foodie website. Which pie's better?
Gina: Yeah, whose do you like better, mine or Rosa's?
Boyle: Oh, uh, you know, I-I-I haven't been to either place yet.
Gina: Why is your eye twitching?
Boyle: *scoffs* Wouldn't you like to know?

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Gina: Charles, I know what's going on. You've tried both pies. You know mine is better. But you're scared to tell Rosa, cause you're into her.
Boyle: What? *laughs nervously* That is not true, okay? I-I-I don't even like food. What? Who's Rosa? Y-you're the scared one.

Capt. Holt: Planning your strategy?
Peralta: No, I’m just making funny faces at him. This mirrored glass is awesome. It straight-up works.
Capt. Holt: An effective use of your limited time.
Peralta: It is, actually. That's how I got him last time. Let him stew for a little bit, got in his head, and he confessed.
Capt. Holt: You better be right.
Peralta: I am. Hey, make some funny faces while I’m in there. I wanna see if I can tell.

Gifs by gargoyles42

Dustin: I didn't do anything, Joke.
Peralta: That's funny. You said the exact same thing last time. And how'd that work out for you? Let's take a look. Okay, here's you at your trial. You in prison. Me meeting Regis Philbin. That was fun. You still in prison. Me at Splash Mountain - just pepper these in here. You in prison, you in prison, you in prison, you get it.

Peralta: So looks like we're gonna be here for a while. Should someone do a coffee run? ...You know what? Coffee's on me. Oh, but no froofy Frappuccinos or anything. I’ve only got, like, 10 bucks.

Peralta: You slept in your office, and you look exactly the same. How?
Capt. Holt: What are you talking about? My hair is a mess.

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Boyle: How long were we asleep?
Terry: Just long enough for me to squeeze in quick workout. So, like, three hours.
Diaz: Morning.
Peralta: Ugh. I can't believe you live nearby, and you won't let anyone crash at your place.
Diaz: You people already know too much about me.
Peralta: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place.

Diaz: Is that a nightgown?
Terry: That's mine. It's a t-shirt from my fat phase.
Peralta: "If at first you don't secede, try try again."
Terry: When you're that big, you buy anything that fits. A lot of fat guy clothes have racist overtones.

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Peralta: Okay, a couple of quick announcements. First, I met our night janitor Ronald. If any of you are missing hand sanitizer, he drank it.

Capt. Holt: I know you're all tired, but don't forget why we're here.
Peralta: Because we're dedicated detectives.
Capt. Holt: Because Peralta jumped the gun.
Peralta: Yep.
Capt. Holt: Get to work.
Peralta: So, we both had good answers.
Santiago: This isn't a joke. You're ruining our weekend.
Peralta: Okay, I’m sorry you had to cancel dinner with your dad.
Santiago: Date. I had a date.
Diaz: Hey, if Jake says the guy did it that usually means the guy did it.
Peralta: Thank you. Everyone listen to Rosa.
Diaz: No, I’m still furious at you.
Peralta: Okay, no one listen to Rosa. She's clearly an accomplice to this crime. I’m gonna go take another crack at Whitman.
Santiago: You've been in there, like, five times. What are you gonna do? Annoy him into talking?
Peralta: Ha-ha. [cut scene] Two, three, four. *strumming guitar out of tune* AHHHHH! *screaming*

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Peralta: Hey, captain. Will you please let everyone else go? I feel bad that I ruined their weekend, and I can tell they're pissed at me. I mean, Charles hasn't tried to high-five me all morning.
Capt. Holt: Yes, I’ve taken the brunt of that.
Boyle: Kitchen buds!

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Peralta: Will you at least tell Hitchcock to go home? His mouth smells like rotten trout milk.
Capt. Holt: Is there such a thing?
Peralta: I’m just telling you what it smells like.

Peralta: Saved you from another lame internet date with some lame guy named Dirk or Mar--garine.
Santiago: He's not lame, okay? He works with a friend of mine. He has a human name. And I’m not telling you what it is, because you'll look him up and make fun of him.
Peralta: I can't believe you think so little of me that you would just automatically assume-- is it Luke Mueller?
Santiago: How did you do that?
Peralta: Well, you only have one friend - Kylie. And she has seven male coworkers: goatee, goatee, jaunty fedora, profile pic is a sunset, Tasmanian Devil tattoo, goatee. Leaving Luke as the only viable option.
Santiago: Well, he's nice, and he uses proper punctuation in texts.
Peralta: Dreamboat.

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Diaz: Where's he taking you?
Santiago: Terrific, let's get everyone involved. Dinner and a movie. *Diaz makes farting noise* Dinner and a movie is the perfect first date.
Boyle: I think the perfect first date doesn't feel like a first date at all, because you've known each other for a few years, maybe even work together. And one night you're laughing, and then all of a sudden, it's just like blammo! Kissing.
Diaz: For me: cheap dinner, watch basketball, bone down.
Boyle: So pretty much the same as what I said.

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Boyle: Interesting fact about me - I once burnt my fingerprints off on a wok.
Gina: Hi! Hello!
Boyle: What are you doing? Holt said you didn't have to come in here. You don't come in on days you're supposed to work.

Terry: I’ve got these overtime forms for you to s--

Capt. Holt: Are you stifling a yawn?
Terry: No, sir.

Capt. Holt: Go home, sergeant.
Terry: And I filled this out. I just need you to--

Yawning gifs by aleriehightower

Terry: Permission to yawn, sir?

Peralta: These your glasses?
Santiago: Mm-hmm.
Peralta: They're gigantic.
Santiago: My contacts dried out, thanks to you. And they're cool.
Peralta: No, they're not. Wow, you are blind blind.
Santiago: Yeah.
Peralta: You're a blind cop. How has there not been a Made-for-TV movie about your struggles?
Santiago: Give those back.

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Santiago: I can still make my date?
Peralta: As I promised. Go get changed. And by that, of course, I mean throw your glasses in the garbage, then get laser surgery, then recuperate...and she left the room.

Boyle: It's all right. Six out of 12.
Gina: Out of 12? Why?
Boyle: For the 12 components of food satisfaction: salty, sweet, sour, bitter, umami, odor, sound--

Peralta: Debit card statement. Two blocks from the jewelry store an hour before the robbery.
Dustin: Oh, no. You found out...about my wife. We both have cards, because we share a joint account, because we love each other.
Peralta: You're incapable of love, and I’ll prove it!

Peralta: Ugh! You have changed! You used to go straight to prison!

Santiago: Oh, come on! Why is there pie here?

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Boyle: Uh, why do you wanna borrow the toothbrush?
Santiago: What possible answer could he give that would make you say yes?
Peralta: I wanna brush my teeth.
Boyle: Jake, it's been in my mouth.
Santiago: That's the grossest thing I’ve ever heard.
Peralta: THAT'S the grossest thing you've ever heard? You caught a guy on the subway with a bag of human ears.
Santiago: Your thing's grosser.

Terry: Also, can't sleep without my whale songs.
Capt. Holt: Terry, I’ve seen this before. Problems at home, so you stay late at the job, but that only makes it worse.
Terry: Everything's great with my wife. It's just, my brother-in-law's in town, and we do not get along. He thinks I’m a weakling.

Zeke: Tiny Terry loves his pickles.

Terry: He makes me feel so small.
Capt. Holt: Who cares what he thinks? You're a police sergeant. You're a grown man. Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I’m gonna be very disappointed in you.

Peralta: This is killing me.
Santiago: Good. Die.
Peralta: You know, if it does come to that, I have but one wish before I go. Can I please put your glasses on my penis? I just think that would be really funny.

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Gina: I’m not your secretary.
Boyle: You're everyone's secretary. That's literally your job.
Gina: And your job is lying about your taste buds?
Boyle: I’m sorry about the whole pie blowup thing. The Flatbush Diner pie is awful.
Gina: Thank you.
Boyle: It's just...I want Rosa to like me. 
Gina: Alright, do whatever you want, but most women don't really like it when dudes lie to them. Except for me, but I’m wired to thrive on dysfunction.

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Santiago: Let's just arrest this guy. Who even cares anymore?
Peralta: So, how'd my new best friend Luke take it when you cancelled on him again?
Santiago: Don't know, hasn't called me back. Which is what always happens, because it's impossible to be a cop and date.
Peralta: Amy, look. There is a guy out there with incredibly low standards and a super weird soul patch, and he is waiting for you. Amy, my patch tingles for you. We will wed on the Isle of New Jersey. Our first dance will be to "Jessie's Girl," because my name is definitely Jessie
Santiago: It's so romantic.

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Peralta: Oh, your services will not be necessary, because you need to go home and change for your date.
Santiago: What?
Peralta: I called handsome Luke. I explained the weekend was entirely my fault, partially. And he wants to go out with you tonight.
Santiago: Thanks, Peralta.
Peralta: You're welcome. Just promise me you won't use the condoms in the secret pocket of your purse, okay? They're expired.
Santiago: How do you know what's in my purse?
Peralta: I needed concealer for a zit. Plus, you know, we spend so much time together here, I know everything about everyone. I know Hitchcock went bald at 15. Scully used to date Hitchcock's wife. Charles has a bike with a little basket on the front.
Boyle: How else would you carry baguettes?
Peralta: And Rosa has a shower in her apartment, I think. I got nothing on her.
Diaz: Good.

Lawyer: So we will be filing a wrongful arrest suit against the NYPD.
Dustin: And when I win, I’m gonna buy Club Torque, put a statue of Jake Peralta right in the middle of the dance floor.
Peralta: First off, that's a terrible threat. I would love to have a statue of myself in the middle of a dance club. Second, do me a favor, take a look at this picture, and tell me what you see.
Dustin: You and Regis Philbin.
Peralta: Awesome, right? Surprisingly down-to-earth-guy and definitely not the picture I meant to show you. But take a look at this. That's right; it's you and your old cell mate Marcus Cole. And here he is again outside the jewelry store. The two of you planned this together in prison. You taught him your m.o., he pulled off the robbery, you got yourself an alibi, and you split the loot. *as Marcus* Oh, man, I can't believe he caught us. *as Regis* Of course, he did; Peralta is the best! Aw, thanks, Reg.
Capt. Holt: That's enough.
Peralta: Yeah, I gotta work on my Regis. Anyway, see ya in jail, Whitman!

Boyle: Hey, Rosa, the Flatbush Diner's pie is terrible. It's inedible. Food is supposed to be edible.
Diaz: So you were lying? What the hell, Boyle?
Gina: Put it in the suck-it bucket.
Boyle: Crust isn't any better. It's fancier, but it's all bells and whistles. Desserts don't need to be clever. They just need to be good. This is the best pie in New York City - apple from Argos Bakery, founded 1910. Recipe unchanged. Taste it.
Diaz: Damn, it is amazing.
Gina: This pie is so good, I hate it.
Boyle: You just graduated pie school, bitches. Sorry I said "bitches," I’m just really worked up. Yow!

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Peralta: Sorry for screwing up everyone's weekend. Hey, uh, drinks on me. Who's in? *group says no* Come on.
Capt. Holt: Everyone's tired, Peralta. They just wanna go home.
Peralta: Yeah, but I have to prove I’m not selfish, so I don't care what they want. That sounded bad. And to make up for what I did, I’ll cover one shift each for all of you. Except Santiago.
Santiago: What?
Peralta: I got you your date back. One nice thing from me is all you get.

Terry: So this is my desk.
Zeke: Desk jockey, huh? You just sit here, eat your pickles, wait for the criminals to turn themselves in.
Terry: Actually, I don't like pickles that much.
Capt. Holt: Terry, I’m glad I found you. There's been a development in the Russian mob case.
Terry: Oh?
Capt. Holt: Yeah, our killer has been spotted in the warehouse down by the canal. Get your gear.
Terry: So you want me first through the door, sir?
Capt. Holt: Oh, it's just you. The swat team is on another call, so you'll have to do it alone.
Terry: Hey, I’m not gonna be able to make dinner tonight.
Zeke: Hey, no, do your thing, do your thing. Go, Terry!
Capt. Holt: You can crash on my couch. I even downloaded you some whale songs.
Terry: Thank you, sir. I’ll never forget it.
Capt. Holt: Good night, Terry. *whale song playing*

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-Brooklyn Nine-Nine Insider

Episode Breakdown:

Original Air Date: Nov. 5, 2013 8:30/7:30C on FOX

Writer: Luke Del Tredici     Director: Peter Lauer

Summary: When Jake makes an arrest without a lot of proof, he only has 48 hours to collect evidence or else the perp will be released. After his unsuccessful interrogation of the suspect, Jake forces his co-workers to spend their weekend helping him crack the case. While the team is stuck at the precinct, Charles judges a pie contest between Gina and Rosa, and Capt. Holt helps Terry look better in the eyes of his in-laws.

Guest Cast: Kid Cudi (newest album Indicud; Domingo in How to Make It in America) as Dustin Whitman

Cast: Andy Samberg as Det. Jake Peralta; Andre Braugher as Capt. Ray Holt; Terry Crews as Sgt. Terry Jeffords; Melissa Fumero as Det. Amy Santiago; Joe Lo Truglio as Det. Charles Boyle; Stephanie Beatriz as Det. Rosa Diaz; Chelsea Peretti as Administrator Gina Linetti; Dirk Blocker as Det. Hitchcock; Joel McKinnon Miller as Det. Scully

Where to Watch (as of Jan. 29):

Subscription:   Hulu Plus

Own for $1.99/$2.99 HD:   Amazon   |   iTunes

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